March 15, 2008  Letter #3

To my caring friends in our truly special Kula, (yoga community of the heart)

            “Faith is a knowledge within the heart, beyond the reach of proof.”  Kahlil Gibran

So much has happened in the last 6 weeks that has rocked my world, cut huge chasms in my path, and tested my faith.  It has been an experience of earthquake proportions to the edge and back; from suddenly being hardly able to breathe, then weeks later doing very gentle yoga while on oxygen, to my very recent good news.

 Last Thursday, TuTone, Hunny, Glenn and I drove to Denver to National Jewish to see my Wegeners’ specialist, Dr. Jeff Swigris.  I’ve been off oxygen for a couple of weeks now, and walking a mile or two a day, in addition to my yoga practice, cooking and laundry.  These are all signs that I have been winning the conflict with my well-intended, but misguided immune system.  However, the x-rays and blood tests have the effect of the final say. 

As Glenn and I silently waited, the doctor examined that morning’s x-ray of my lungs. He then compared it with 6 weeks ago which caused him to broadly smile and loudly say, “Huge, huge, huge improvement”.  Yes, he said huge 3 times.  I loved it when he turned to me and said I have made a phenomenal recovery into remission.  

I am deeply grateful for this great news and joyfully celebrate the immeasurable power of Spirit manifesting through Science, Technology, Medication, Love, Faith, Yoga and Your unfailing, positive support! 

Back to when we were so rudely interrupted… 

Dr. Swigris wasn’t surprised in the slightest when I started talking about getting back to teaching!  He knows me.  His concern is focused on my vulnerable immune system.   I mentioned that we already have printed a statement on our class schedule for everyone’s health: “If you are coming down with or already have a cold or flu please come to class at another time.”  My immune system is being suppressed with the medication and it will be for the next 13 months, so I sincerely ask that even if you only suspect you might have anything contagious that you come another time. 

I’m so excited!!!  And starting next week you can call me, Marcee - the Mystery Pop Up Teacher.  I am coming back part time - popping into different classes and teaching with the love, passion and joy I always feel. I am thrilled to be back to doing what I love so much and to be seeing you again.

A lasting, beautiful gift of love and loyalty…

I was so happily surprised when the teachers presented me with the Sacred Beads that you all donated.  I actually cried on and off all day in awe and gratitude!  I looked at and touched every single bead one at a time and it is now gracing my dining room table as I continue to marvel at the energy and beauty pulsing from those beads into my heart.   My heart keeps opening in bigger and bigger waves as I deeply receive your blessings.  Thank you one and all for this beautiful blessing.  Thank you to the teacher’s for collecting them.  Thank you to Debi for painstakingly and with great love elegantly putting them together.  Thank you for the Metta mediation that further sanctified them.  I look forward to you seeing them on display at the studio.  

Thank you for your faith, love, patience and unfailing friendship.  A new star will light the heavens when I see you again.

Namaste with Love and extra gratitude,   Marcee

March 3, 2008   Letter #2 

To my caring friends in our truly special Kula, (yoga community of the heart)

            Exactly a month ago today I was at the emergency room at Corwin.  My family and I have experienced a lot in this past month.  My critical time in the hospital was very difficult because I was having an almost impossible time breathing, but just as painfully, I could not find Gratitude in my heart.  My heart was filled with fear, rage and hopelessness.  There was no room in my struggling heart for gratitude or hope. 

The days wore on and the medications, oxygen, and ultimately a blood transfusion, began to turn the downward spiral around.  My Spiritual energy work was also showing results making it possible for me to lift up and see all the love, prayers and gifts that were being offered to my by Divine Grace and all of you. 

One day when I was about to start a yoga practice I randomly opened to a passage from Paramahansa Yogananda’s book Where There is Light: 

“Thanksgiving and praise open in your consciousness the way for spiritual growth and supply to come to you.  Spirit pushes Itself out into visible manifestation as soon as a channel is opened through which it can flow.”

As I started to flow with Grace I felt my heart begin opening to gratitude and the joy of life.  It didn’t come to me easily; I had to do the work to get that sacred channel to open.  I focused on that clear intention so much that I experienced the knowing that when the heart is full of gratitude there isn’t any room left for despair

So, a month after the emergency room I am doing yoga almost every day for an hour and a half.  I am walking a mile or more on some days and I am busy doing light chores, office work and my usual yoga study.  Glenn says that I am taking more care of him than he is taking care of me.   I am so blessed.  I am affirming the attitude of a grateful Spiritual Warrior by defeating despair and hopelessness and getting stronger and healthier day by day.  I am so eager to return to you and share the beautiful art of life transforming yoga.  You will see me in the studio teaching a class designed to bust your butt just as soon as I am confident that I am ready to be there with you.

 “At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person.
Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.”

            Albert Scweitzer

You, my friends and students have no idea how much love, inspiration and energy you give me.  My own light was so dim and it was your constant love that rekindled my spark.

God Bless you.  I love you.

Marcee

From the Trundle Bed of Marcee Gutman-Ballantyne

 February 10, 2008  Letter #1

To everyone in our truly special Kula, (yoga community of the heart)

        I regret to tell you that again I am challenged with overcoming an autoimmune disease called Wegener’s Granulomatosis.  I will be fully occupied with taking care of my health for the next month or 2, so you won’t be seeing me much in the yoga studio.  But, within that time, I will begin teaching again. Until my return you will always find your yoga studio humming along and full of classes and excellent teachers.

           Your love, prayers, notes, flowers, cards, calls, visits and food are pouring in and helping me get stronger already.  I am so grateful and feel so loved and cared for.  Thank you for your kindness.

          Anne, Janet, Nancy, Debi and Glenn are living examples of how yoga postures and breathing transforms into people working in harmony, balance and open to the flow of  Divine Grace.  Fountain of Health Yoga Studio isn’t just me, or a maple wood floor or yoga mats.  Our studio is a magical chemistry of love, discipline, respect, compassion, strength, flexibility, stamina, etc.  I had the most beautiful experience watching our 5 Anusara principles shine through your teachers.

1. They set an intention to place themselves in alignment with the flow of Grace.  Their softhearted devotion and open-mindedness became singular and united.

2. They drew their individual energies into a central heartbeat thus creating stability, strength and integration.

3.  Like an inner spiral their energy expanded into cooperation, creative thinking and caring for each other, every student and the studio as a hive for the honeybees of yoga.

4. Like an outer spiral they created contracting energy as they balanced their outpouring of love and compassion establishing a practical plan with balance and strength.

5. Like organic energy they reached expanded possibilities, deeper possibilities and opportunities and freedom for them and all of us to enjoy the benefits of a regular yoga practice and benefits of a supportive and consistent yoga community for us all.

I am disappointed to be ill, as you can imagine.  I feel that I have had more than my share of challenges from Wegener’s that began back in my 20’s.  But, I am blessed to have the tools we learn from Anusara Yoga to avoid falling into a pit of despair and resentment and to accelerate my healing with positive energy and prana.  Two and a half years ago my doctor said my recovery was phenomenal.  I will get that reaction again this time, I’m sure.

            Please keep me in your prayers.  I look forward to reading your emails, too.  Time flies and I’ll be back the moment my doctors, Glenn, TuTone, Hunny and I feel is right.    My gratitude knows no bounds for your understanding, concern, love and support.

God bless you - I love you.

Marcee